Taking the First Step

So, you've got this goal, right? And you're ready to take the first step toward it...really. Because this goal is both bold and exciting. But for some reason you're spinning your wheels instead.

And good things sometimes come from such "spinning." Maybe you'll ace some tasks—tidying your desk, perhaps, or purging your rolodex and the pantry besides. After you write to your mother and all of your siblings and cousins...and also groom the pets and wash the car.

Those are the good news. The bad news is that, as you plunge into such tasks, your goal hovers off in the distance. Although maybe still reachable, it's also no closer than before. Why can't you get started?! Why can't you take the first step? It's driving you crazy, being stuck like this.

Or the grudging song an associate might sing about the same idea: “don’t bite off more than you can chew.” Even those who love you may sometimes sing the song when trying to protect you.

If you don't watch out, though, these and other DDIs can hold you forever on the sidelines. And that's okay to some extent: few of us care to bask in the spotlight 24/7. Still, if you never step into your own version of that now and then, your life may remain more "muted" than you once envisioned.

So, the fear issue warrants some attention. And this would be not only your own misgivings but also those of others. The latter, because they sometimes arise from love or friendship, create the most-powerful DDIs of all. But you must resist at least some of those to ever sing your song.

They go like this: Don’t put your hand on the stove top when it’s hot; don’t mess around with Mommy’s hair dryer when you’re in the tub; don’t cross the road before stopping to look and listen. Such DDIs, related to actual physical safety, you would have needed at certain points in your life.

The real damage comes from those remarks or attitudes meant to keep you from pursuing a dream or goal the speakers fail to share. Sometimes those reasons relate to “mistakes” they made themselves, or chances they never took because of fear. Don’t become a musician: how can you possibly make a living? Don’t waste your time inventing things: you’ll just get ripped off anyway. Don’t have a baby: it’ll knock you off the career track. Don’t take risks: you’ll only fall on your face (and maybe the speakers can't imagine taking risks themselves).

These three provide superb examples of what the writer Anne Lamott calls “banshees and drunken monkeys.” Can you afford to give this Terrible Trio headroom? Not too often.

And sure, some things you try won't pan out the way you expect. Well, boo-hoo, right? Besides, what looks like failure right now might (with some tinkering) morph into something even better than your original quest.

But fear of any failure whatever can keep you from taking even a single step toward something wonderful—although perhaps also challenging or scary. Instead, you play it safe, settling for less than you really want. (Although perhaps as much as someone else wants you to have.) You may settle as well for way less than you’re capable of.

So, go ahead: take the plunge. Do a belly-flop or fall on your face now and then. Make a fool of yourself in the eyes of those perhaps less imaginative, less industrious, or less courageous than yourself. But sing your song and take your bows—even if you’re the only one cheering. In the end, your own cheers are what really matter. So, take the step, my friend. Just do it!

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